I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
two words...techno handjob
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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