In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize