I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
