so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your cock deserves a montage
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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