her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
