I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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