i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
