I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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