Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you traded sex for a burrito?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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