k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
