you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
