Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
