If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
