You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
