I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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