She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
