A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
