You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
