aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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