That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
