Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
