He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
