Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
