I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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