I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
