i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
