you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
