So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
