he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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