Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He passed out mid-signature
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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