We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
