she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize