I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
