I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
