her vagine was all disorganized.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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