I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
