whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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