I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize