Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I love having hate sex.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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