508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
