you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
