my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
