Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
