So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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