The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I pour the whiskey from now on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize