Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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