I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
