38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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