If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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