I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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