Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
