My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
