You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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