I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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