and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
