So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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