So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
