I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
