meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
