Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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