Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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