i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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