It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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