he wants to bone in the snuggie
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
