Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
