How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
