Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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