What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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