Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
