My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize