hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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