The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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