and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
50% drunk capacity currently
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your penis caused this!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
