Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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