I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
