He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize