At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
