i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
