Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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