woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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