she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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